I’m from a very large family — nine parents.

I call her. She tells me my dog, Sluggo, just took a dump on the new carpet. I’m like, ‘Shoot him.’ She goes, ‘That’s just like you, Ron. I have a genuine problem, and you’re being sarcastic.’ ‘Alright, honey, I’m sorry. Put the dog on the phone. I’ll talk to him.’

A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, “Where is Jesus today?”

Steven raises his hand and says, “He’s in Heaven.”

Mary answers, “He’s in my heart.”

Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, “He’s in our bathroom!”

The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this.

“Well,” Little Johnny says, “every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells ‘Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!’”